"And you must not, ever, give anyone else the responsibility for your life."
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at times when hope is too big of a thing to have, curiosity (even clinical or small) is a very good placeholder
– Virginia Woolf, from a Letter to Violet Dickinson written c. January 1909
[TEXT ID: "I appreciate your concern. None of this is your fault. It's me. It's me and my head. / In winter, I collapse." END ID]
Girls
When people ask the general question:
“Why do you like girls?”
I just start thinking of the ideal girl in my mind and explain it that way.
“Girls are so beautiful.”
“Let’s start at their heads. Their hair can be anywhere from their shoulders to their lower back. Nonexistent to their hips. Running your fingers through as they hum quietly and continue doing whatever they’re doing is a comforting feeling.”
“Move down to their face. Blue, Green, Hazel, Brown, Gray. Each color has a possibility of finding its way into each iris and complimenting their features even more. Their cheeks could be a clean pallets or dusted lightly with freckles, better known as the marks of each major event that will happen in their life. Their lips. There are endless possibilities for what they could be like. The star of the show. Soft, thin, wide, pink, anything. Uniqueness is astounding in a female’s face.”
“The torso. If you start with the back you’ll find the curve of her spine. The shape of her hips. Each shape is just another piece to building a work of art which deserves a spot in the museum of ‘Life, and its most precious creations’.”
I pause. I think of which path to take for the next sentence.
“The curve in a girl’s back determines how much confidence they have. The only thing more beautiful than a girl herself is seeing her spine and her posture straighten up over time as she learns to love herself and realizes that she has people who look for a significant other just like her.”
“If you look at the front of her torso you see her chest and stomach, both areas that she may or may not be confident in. A, B, C, and D. What are they? Letters. What do letters do? They assist us in creating what helps us find the deeper meaning of things in this world. Each size has a purpose. If it weren’t there for a reason it wouldn’t be there at all.”
“Legs and arms aren’t somehing that most people think you should find attractive. I find them attractive because they’re part of a female. Each girl has something about her legs, arms, any part of her body that makes it special to her. She does something to that body part to make her feel her best when she walks outside, or when she just wants to feel beautiful for nobody but herself.”
“Boys have things that make them special too.”
“I understand and respect that. I can’t ever see myself appreciating and loving any male the way that I can see myself loving a female. Maybe, it just takes time. Maybe I’ll find a boy that I can’t get enough of someday. But until now, I’ll allow myself to fall head over heels for any girl which takes my heart in her hands and drags me along with her. (Gently, that is.)